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Ramblings in my head

Please bare with me…
This time of year is very difficult for me because on 12/28/09 my Mother changed her address. I don’t have her to talk too so I can hear her say “everything is going to be alright.” I’ve been through so many changes since left. You only get one mother and it hurts when she is gone.
I see why people drink and do drugs when they’re in pain. I don’t do drugs and very rarely do I drink. When people see me and they know I have MS the first thing that they say is “Well, you sure don’t look sick.” I am glad it doesn’t show. The pain I have never goes away. I never get a break it never lets up. Sometimes I could just pull my hair out. Pain in my fingers, pain in my toes, muscle spasm in my legs muscle spasms on my side muscle spasms in my arms muscle spasms in my neck. I have an electrical sensation in my feet and hands. It feels look I touched a light switch that is not grounded. So far I have wrote about 3 or 4 topics. I have not been able to focus on anything today. My mind has been all over the place. I’m learning to meditate and be very kind and gentle to myself. All that takes time. My life has been very difficult for as long as I can remember. I don’t mistreat people, I will give you my last, I will go out of my way to make sure you have what you need and you’re happy. God changed the path I thought He had me on. I don’t know what I’m suppose to be doing. Where I’m suppose to be going? Anything could happen, everything is uncertain. Having this disease really makes me feel stupid because of the way it’s affecting my brain. What is to become of me? These are some of my concerns. I can never truly make a plan for tomorrow because I don’t know how I will feel in the morning when I wake up.


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